Dr. Oz is creating a nation of hypochondriacs and germaphobes ! Apparently the world is a hostile place filled with toxic chemicals and peopled with nasty germs struggling to destroy our innerds .
Here is the state in which I find myself ---------
I can't eat meat because of antibiotics and growth hormones . So , eat fish , right ? No can do -- fish is polluted with mercury ! Veggies are full of pesticides . So eat organic right ? No can do -- they are affected by toxic run-offs from polluted streams and acid rain . Nuts are bad for my diverticulitis and fruit is bad for my acid reflux . I can't drink water from plastic bottles or eat food from tins because of chemicals in the containers . And God forbid I should barbeque -- causes cancer . I'M STARVING TO DEATH !!!
I have to wash my kitchen counters 6 times a day and my sinks 10 times ( with enviro - friendly disinfectant of course ) .I have to clean the tub and toilet twice daily . I am getting dishpan hands and need skin cream to hydrate them !!!
I can't use the jacuzzi due to fecal coliform or use my pool due to pinworms , nemitodes and those scary little fish that swim up your urethra and hang on for dear life !!
I padlock my medicine cabinet so my wife won't use my toothbrush or my razor . I'm afraid to sleep because of bedbugs . I am also petrified of cockroaches , fruitflies and all forms of creepy crawlies !!!
My tight belt is crushing my insides , my tight ring is cutting off my circulation to my ring finger and my tight shoes are causing bunions and bone spurs .
If I burp it is symptomatic of stomach cancer and if I pass gas it may mean colon camcer .
Just the act of typing this is causing metacarple tunnel .
HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP !!!!!
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